Scalloped Potatoes and Ham

“They like when I say, ‘HAM!'”

If you’re a monster like me, you basically hate all standard Thanksgiving dishes. Don’t get me wrong; I realize I am a weirdo. In theory, it all sounds so delicious! In reality, this holiday is when my claim of being a reformed picky eater rings hollow.

Turkey? More like festive trash bird. Chicken is also considered trash bird on this blog; go ahead, clutch your pearls accordingly, Karen. First, that damn thing is not meant to be roasted whole. It cooks so unevenly! Second, the likelihood that I will blow my face off while attempting to fry it just to make it remotely edible is too great.

And dammit, it’s not like my family lives anywhere near a Popeyes to let them do all the work/give me an opportunity to drown the festive trash bird in that addictive Cajun gravy. Seriously, you don’t love turkey. You all are actually in love with gravy, but you use turkey as your spongy, stringy, vaguely rotten-tasting vehicle. It’s the only way to make turkey tolerable.

I generally prepare Thanksgiving dinner with my Chicago family, which you are probably thinking is a real bummer given my aversion to the classics. But it’s always so damn good, it actually made me finally love Thanksgiving. Ya girl can only eat green bean casserole so many times before wishing for vivacious flavors, varying textures, and sides with nary a marshmallow in sight.

Since I hate both turkey and joy (you know you’re thinking it), I try new recipes for Thanksgiving each year. These fancy ass scalloped potatoes from What’s Gaby Cooking are one of my favorite cold-weather dishes that are good whenever, not just at a holiday table.

Pro tip: get yourself a mandoline and a great insurance plan for when you inevitably cut your fingers off. (Just kidding. Get safety gloves instead! I’ve been killing the slicing game with all fingers intact since 2016, my babies.)

Hasselback Scalloped Potatoes
Adapted from What’s Gaby Cooking

3 oz. shredded Gruyere cheese
2 oz. grated Pecorino
4 oz. ham or pancetta, finely diced and cooked
2 cups heavy cream
4 garlic gloves, chopped
3 lbs. Russet potatoes, scrubbed and peeled
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 400 F.

Using a mandoline (please, for the love of god, wear safety gloves), cut potatoes into 1/8 inch slices.

Combine cheeses and cooked ham or pancetta in a large bowl. Transfer 1 handful of the cheese mixture to a separate bowl and set aside. Add cream and garlic to remaining cheese mixture. Season with salt and pepper. Add potato slices and toss to combine, making sure the cream mixture coats every potato slice.

Spray a medium casserole dish non-stick cooking spray. Take a handful of potatoes, and stack them on top of each other and then lay them in the casserole dish like a hasselback potato. Continue stacking potatoes in the casserole dish until it’s full of potatoes and everything is tightly packed. Pour the leftover cream mixture evenly over potatoes until the mixture comes half-way up the sides of the potatoes, if you have even more leftover liquid after that, just discard.

Cover the casserole dish with aluminum foil and transfer to the oven. Bake for 30 minutes. Remove foil and continue baking until top is pale golden brown, about 25-30 minutes more. Once golden, sprinkle with remaining cheese, and return to oven. Bake until deep golden brown and crisp on top, about 30 minutes longer. Remove from oven, let rest for a few minutes, and slice and serve.